As finished yesterday - the four week marathon of non-stop winter session work - I realized I haven't had a second to be much of anything other than Dr. Bryan Ripley Crandall. It's been all or nothing for most of the break, meeting with students, guiding proposals, keeping them enthused, grading work, editing work, revising, supporting, planning class, creating support videos, etc. So, when the last email was sent yesterday afternoon, I was kind of numb. The numbness lasted the rest of day.
I ran a few errands. I reheated a dinner I started a load of laundry. I stared into space.
Actually, I answered a couple of the trillion emails I've been ignoring and thought about heading to a bar, but knew that was dumb and not my style. It's also very cold again and the thought of leaving the house brought misery, so I laid low. I fixed a couple of NWP issues on their website side, I read the news (and caught up, but regretted that I did), and she did get a walk.
The emails from administrators and colleagues returning to work after their break are trickling in, and it's hard not to see the hair stand up on my arms. Really? You hope I'm refreshed and ready for another semester? Ummmm. It's been a year and there has not been a break. Sadly, I know returning means only hearing all the reasons why individuals like me need to do more. Fascinating, actually.
Reclaiming my time. Self-care. Mental Health. All of this means that I need to wrap my arms around CWP work, the students I teach, the national organizations I belong to, and to resist taking on all the roles of departed colleagues who have no been replaced. That's the best I can do...and there's no way I can do any more than I've already been doing.
Seriously. I cannot can any closer to the edge of such insanity.
