Not Sure What to Expect with 54; It's 4 Years Passed 50 and 6 Years Closer to Finally Calling This Work Gig Quits.

I'm thankful for Oona Kelly who bought me a birthday cake this year on Saturday night. It was rich, chocolate-moussy, and moist (which some hate as a word to describe cake....but that's what it was). We all enjoyed the flavor and split it on Valentine's Day. 

Yesterday, however, was Bryan's bonus day...and extra weekend day, and I swore I was just going to lie under blankets watching sports. Of course, I'm too antsy for that, and after a while I hate the noisy, so I went upstairs to catch up on laundry.

Karal and I also got a day with Rico, which meant Karal made sure Rico knew that I belong to her, especially on my birthday...but it's his birthday, too. 

Like Karal when left to Pam's, Rico does not like to settle in at Bryan's. She had a 70th birthday party to go to with her family.

That's 16 years away for me (which is surreal when I think about it)(how close that actually is, especially when I think I was just 16 the other day). 

Yellowjackets. This summer's infestation with all the dying and decaying drones who entered my house to say goodbye has me thinking deeply about the nature of it all...the DNA's drive to recycle itself over and over and over again, making sure only the best moves on.). 

As for the 54th celebration, I'm thinking day 2 of the subdued celebrations. The extra hype is not what I wanted or needed; instead, I wanted calm to catch my soul up sitting still and to reenergize for all still to come. Birthday Happy, to me. President's Day. Two days after Valentine's Day, this Frog wondering what am I supposed to do with all the memories thus far and all the knowledge accrued through teaching, research, and service to others. How best to I spend time so another generation can be as fortunate and lucky as I have been to meet the people I have and to do the work I do, without becoming bitter, full of hate, envious, and biting. For the most part, I still have my eyes and chest moving towards what I believe is good, what I've always enjoyed most: laughter and joy, and a total celebration of creativity. 

I've been told daily that "you're going to burn yourself out working at that pace," since I was a teenager. It's my nature and I'm not burning out at all. I am, however, gaining a better focus on how important self-care and quiet become as we get older. In the end, we can only hope our actions are influential to others as they carry out their own lives. 

Books. Pond. Kindness. Belonging. Humanity. I don't mind hopping about the lily pads when I know the work I'm doing is helpful to the generations still to come.