Procedures Went Well. News Was Good. The Waiting Offered Results That Were Wanted. And Now It Is Time for Recovery

It's hard to function when you are elsewhere, but need to be in another place. Mom had a procedure yesterday morning which I know was on her mind for weeks. I inherited my distrust and frustrations with doctors from her, although she spent much more time visiting them throughout her life. Now that she's older and needs them, they often come with procedures one doesn't want. It was a minimal procedure, a heart ablation, but still it wracks up the nerves. She is now home and resting as it is doctor's orders to be a couch potato.

Yesterday, before I heard how things were going I tried to imagine what my father was doing without her at his side, and chose to do #VerseLove26 prompt #29 to make the Invisible, Visible. I was channeling the worry that comes with caring for aging parents, but also the memories that my mother once did this for her own (and my father's parents). It's part of the cycle and not easy. 

I spent most of yesterday grading and when I thought I was in a good place to head to campus for meetings I decided that I'd rather stay home to get ahead on more grading. I'm trying to live my a better self-care mantra, especially after 15 years of relentless demands with little to no support. The only help I will get is the help I chisel out for myself, which is peace-of-mind time and setting boundaries. The CWP work remains a joy and I love my students. Not sure about the meetings with so many other agendas that are harmful and hot helpful, though.

Anyway, off to campus. Full day ahead. 

This Morning

b.r.crandall

I imagine him

sitting at the window

counting coins,

listening to 

telenovelas 

in Spanish he

won’t understand, 

his hearing aids

charging or lost 

in the laundry

with yesterday’s 

Lucky Strikes

& crushed cans

of Milwaukee’s Best.

Cars will drive by

& he’ll wave,

perhaps cry,

worrying she’s not 

in her chair 

under a blanket 

covering her

purple toes.

He’s already forgotten

his morning medicine 

but he’ll mow the 

lawn a few times,

after fussing

with the

 recycling bins. 

A stranger will

aide him today,

unwrapping the meals

dropped off by wheels,

and no one will 

answer the phone.

We’re all

on call.

Just waiting.